


In the way knitting needles love yarn

by Veto_power_over_clocks



Series: Badly paraphrased songs [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blue loves Lance with her heart and soul and liver but she won't take shit from him, Gen, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Jossed, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Not Canon Compliant, Rated T for cursewords, Written and plotted before season 3 aired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-13 21:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10522674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veto_power_over_clocks/pseuds/Veto_power_over_clocks
Summary: Messing up and fixing things in three stages:1. Lance, Blue, and the art of hurting others through self-deprecation.2. Lance, Keith, and the Anatomy of Apologies.3. Lance, Blue, and pointing out the obvious.





	1. Because tomorrow it will be cloudy again

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine the lions speaking in a mix of recordings and "text". I don't think they have voices, I think they sort of project words into your mind and you "read them" (because they're not actually text, they're straight up putting the words in your head, like thoughts) with the voice you want. Now, that means the words are flat, with no tone, so if they want a tone they have to find a memory on file that includes the words they need in the necessary tone. Of course, their Paladins are usually good at knowing what they mean just from their mood, so tones aren't necessary unless they really want to make something clear.

**I.**

They defeated Zarkon, sure, but none of them is naïve enough to believe that their work is done. Even if they managed to kill the guy (which they don’t know, and if there’s one thing Lance has learned from movies and TV it’s that you can’t declare someone dead until you see the body, and even then you better wait until it has been buried or, even better, cremated), Haggar is still running around, and there are probably a lot of Galra officers willing to keep dear old Zarkon’s legacy alive.

So, yeah, their work is far from done, and the worst thing is that Shiro is gone.

After finding Black’s cockpit empty, they give themselves some time to deal with the situation. Not much time, because there’s work to be done, but they can’t be expected to start organizing their next move immediately.

Hunk hasn’t stopped crying. Pidge went into overthinking mode and has started trying to trace Shiro’s arm, hasn’t really given herself time to stop and process the situation. Allura retreats to her room and comes back two hours later with plans she hasn’t shared yet. Coran is fretting. Keith is standing in a corner, staring at the ground and giving them all slightly panicked looks every now and then. Slav talks about the possibility of Shiro being in another universe.

Lance has kept his jaw clenched and done his best to keep the tears from falling, until it becomes too much and he has to leave.

He goes to Blue and sits by one of her legs, hugging his knees.

“Promise you won’t tell if I start crying?” he whispers after a while.

She lowers her head and lets him enter the cockpit.

“ _When have I ever told anyone?_ ” she asks as he sits on the floor, his back against the control panel.

“Thank you,” Lance says, closing his eyes. He tries to cry, he really does, but he finds that the tears won’t fall.

He resigns himself to having a knot in his throat and the urge to scream.

 

**II.**

They all meet at the control room the next day. Lance is impressed; looking at everyone’s faces it’s obvious that they all need longer to recover, but that they’re putting their feelings aside for the sake of the universe.

The first, and most urgent, order of business is deciding who will pilot the Black Lion.

Keith looks like he’s going to be sick when Allura explains that Shiro had wanted Keith to lead. Apparently, they’d spoken about what to do in case anyone was lost in the fight.

“Did Shiro tell you about this?” Allura asks Keith.

It takes him a moment to reply, and when he does he sounds regretful.

“Yes, he did. A couple of times.”

“He trusts you, Keith,” Allura says, soothing.

Keith opens his mouth, seemingly ready to argue, but closes it, looking frustrated.

“I’m not entirely sure he’s the best choice,” Lance says before he can stop himself, and quickly adds, because Allura is giving him a reproaching look, “and I’m not saying it because it’s Keith! I’d say the same if Shiro had picked Hunk. Or Pidge.”

Keith gives him a bemused look.

“Don’t take it wrong,” Hunk intervenes, “you’re a great pilot, but you, uh… you kind of…”

“Act recklessly and need to be saved by your lion constantly,” Pidge says, looking apologetic.

Keith doesn’t seem offended by the team’s insecurity. If anything, he looks slightly relieved.

“We would follow him if he was our leader,” Hunk says to Allura. “You don’t need to worry about that. Right?” That last part is directed towards Lance.

“I can follow orders,” Lance says, trying not to sound bitter and failing spectacularly, because, well, he is kind of bitter. He’s part of the team! He knows how to follow orders! He- Hunk gives him an appeasing smile and Lance calms down. Okay, yes. He sees where he’s coming from. He did kind of complain very loudly when Shiro took Keith to meet the Blade of Marmora.

“Okay, but even if Keith was in charge,” Pidge starts, dubious, “what would happen with the Red Lion? Actually, can Keith pilot the Black Lion? You said the bond between a Paladin and their Lion couldn’t be forced. Would Black accept him?”

“I’m pretty sure that you even used the word ‘mystical’ to describe the bond.” Lance adds, emphasizing the word ‘mystical’ with a gesture.

“I have piloted the Black Lion before,” Keith says. He doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes when they turn to look at him, questioning. “When we fell off that portal into that desert planet… Shiro was in danger, so Black allowed me to pilot her to rescue him.”

Lance’s jaw drops. While he was trying to flirt with a mermaid, Keith was getting ready to become their new leader and apparently failing to notice what a big deal that was.

“We may be able to make the Black Lion accept Keith if we assure her that it’s a temporary measure until we find Shiro, but I’m not entirely sure that the Red Lion would be willing to bond with someone new,” Allura says.

“Maybe if it’s someone she already knows?” Coran suggests.

“What about you?” Pidge asks Allura.

“I don’t think I have the necessary traits to become the Red Lion’s pilot,” Allura says, regretfully.

“I don’t think any of us does, really,” Hunk says sadly. “I don’t think any of our lions would be willing to take someone new.”

“Perhaps the Blue Lion would.”

Lance quickly turns to look at Allura. Oh no. Oh no no no no. No. No? Nope. Nuh uh. No. _No._

“She is considered to be the friendliest of the lions. The one most willing to open up to new pilots.” She looks apologetically at Lance.

“So you’re saying that you’d pilot Blue and I’d have to pilot Red?” Lance says, dubious.

“Besides Keith, you’re probably the one that relies on instinct the most?” Hunk doesn’t sound convinced either. “Like… a far second, but more than Pidge and I.”

“But, does Blue have any special characteristics that would make her difficult for someone new? Because Red was the fastest, and that was the reason Keith was better suited for her. And Yellow is the strongest, and is more aimed towards defense, so he was good for Hunk…” Pidge muses aloud.

“I believe we have the lion’s stats here,” Coran says, pulling up a file on the screen and displaying images of the five lions, with bars showing their strengths in different areas.

Lance tries not to think too much of it, doesn’t even want to look, because they’re looking for a way to take him away from Blue, but he still catches a glimpse of the stats, and then he finds himself staring. Blue isn’t mediocre at anything, but she also isn’t great at anything. Her stats are perfectly matched in all areas. She’s like… the average lion. And she picked him.

He stops listening to what the others are saying, his eyes trained on Blue’s stats and how little they mean, because Blue is amazing and those numbers are _wrong_ , but from a purely objective point of view-

“Maybe we should keep talking about this later,” Hunk says, cutting Lance’s train of thought as he grabs him by the arm and takes him towards the hallway.

Hunk leads him away towards the kitchen and once there makes him sit down by the counter.

“Lance? Lance, buddy? You look like someone just killed your cat,” he says, looking at Lance worriedly.

Lance debates with himself for a moment whether to say what he’s thinking or not, but, well, Hunk has already dragged him here to talk and he’ll know if he lies.

He slumps over the counter.

“You saw Blue’s stats, Hunk. She could be piloted by anyone.”

Hunk blinks a couple of times and furrows his brow.

“I don’t think so? She picked you for a reason.”

“Allura just said she’s the friendliest. That she’d probably be willing to let someone else pilot her.” God, his voice sounds broken.

“Just because she might be willing doesn’t mean she can be piloted by someone else, or that she would _want_ to be piloted by someone else.”

“Yeah, but…” Lance clears his throat. “She doesn’t need a special pilot.”

“I don’t know, Lance… I think you’re seeing this in the wrong way.”

Lance lets his head rest against the counter.

“I don’t want a new lion,” he says.

“I know.” Hunks sits next to him and puts an arm around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t want a new one either.”

They sit in the kitchen for a while. Eventually, Keith appears. He doesn’t say anything, just sits next to them and looks just as miserable as Lance feels.

 

**III.**

Lance isn’t impulsive. Lance is very good at having terrible ideas and then not seeing the flaws in them when he reconsiders them. Some examples include sneaking out of the Garrison, not ending his (very obviously one-sided) rivalry with Keith, and continuing to flirt with Allura. The latest addition to the list is going to see Blue when he knows he’s still thinking about how he might have to leave her.

He walks into the hangar instead of taking the direct route to the cockpit, because even though he knows that the entire conversation will be through thoughts and that Blue doesn’t need to see him to read his body language, he prefers to see people’s faces when he talks to them.

“Blue?” he whispers. “Bonita?” he says, slightly louder.

Her eyes light up and her mind pushes against his in welcome.

“ _Hello, Lance_ ,” she says. He has ‘heard’ Blue’s voice a thousand times already, yet he still has trouble getting used to it, to the words that enter his head and that he can only tell from his own thoughts by the fact that he doesn’t hear them in his own voice. Lance doesn’t think he could ever explain how talking to Blue feels, because the words feel like binary code mixed with a snowfall, yet they’re perfectly understandable. He often wonders if the only reason he understands her side of the conversation is because she understands what she’s saying.

“ _You seem concerned_ ,” she says, her own mood changing towards worry in reaction to him.

“Yeah, they’re…” he shakes his head, remembering that there’s no need to speak aloud. “ _They’re talking about what we will do now that Shiro’s gone._ ”

He sits on the ground in front of Blue and lets her see his memories from the afternoon. It’s too late by the moment he realizes that maybe he should have left some things out.

“ _You are unhappy with me._ ” Her words are toneless, but he can feel her hurt.

“ _No, of course not, Bonita._ ”

“ _You are. You think I am average._ ”

He winces, remembering that he did think that for a fleeting, stupid moment.

“No! Blue, of course not!”

“ _Then why do you think that anyone could pilot me?_ ”

“ _That’s not… I don’t mean… You are amazing. I wouldn’t pick any other lion. You’re the best. I’m just saying that…_ ” He covers his face with his hands, takes a deep breath before uncovering it. “ _I’m piloting you. And there doesn’t seem to be much about me. I don’t… add much to this team. So… you can do better. You could have had a better pilot and you got me instead._ ”

“ _You are saying that you are average, but that my stats are good enough for anyone, which is why you could pilot me._ ”

“ _Blue, that’s not what I mean._ ”

“ _It sounds like that is what you mean._ ”

“It really isn’t, Blue,” he says, hating himself for how this is turning out.

“ _Then explain._ ”

“I…” He doesn’t know how to rephrase everything he’s just said without making it sound just as bad. He never thought he’d have an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ conversation with Blue of all people. “ _I…_ ”

Blue’s sorrow hits him like a wave, makes him forget everything he is feeling, because all he can focus on is how Blue's sadness is making his chest ache, how it puts a knot at his throat and leaves his eyes stinging. For a moment, he can't tell his own thoughts from Blue's.

And then she's out of his mind and her force field is up.

“Blue, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She doesn’t reply. He can tell that she’s glaring at him despite the lack of facial expressions, just like he could tell she was following him with her eyes the first time they saw each other.

He rests his hand against the force field and waits.

After two hours go by without change, he gives up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You probably noticed that Lance calls Blue 'Bonita' a couple of times. That's a compliment in Spanish, means something like 'pretty/cute'. I headcanon Lance giving nicknames to everyone and everything, but not always using them. Anyway, Blue is his best girl, so of course she gets a nickname. A flattering nickname that he uses even when he's fucking up big time.


	2. You broke the windows and a vase

**I.**

Blue is still silent.

When Lance wakes up after barely getting any sleep the previous night, the first thing he does is search for Blue’s mind, ready to apologize again, but she has closed off her thoughts to him. He can feel her in his mind, but he can’t even read her mood, and no matter how many thoughts he directs at her, there is no answer. She probably isn’t even listening.

He gets dressed slowly, more occupied thinking ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again than with finding his clothes, and he keeps repeating the apology as he makes his way to the kitchen for breakfast.

It’s in the kitchen that Pidge finds him.

“Lance, I just saw Allura and she wants us all to go to the hangar. She says there’s a problem,” she says, looking nervous.

There are bags under her eyes, and Lance wonders if she got any sleep last night or if she only stopped working on finding Shiro because Allura told her of an even more immediate problem.

Lance can guess the complication. Blue’s shield is probably still up, and they’ll want an explanation as to why the 'friendliest lion' suddenly doesn’t want to be approached.

He’s ready to accept his guilt and apologize again, but he stops dead in his tracks when he enters the hangar and finds that all of the lions have put up their force shields.

Well, fuck.

Pidge hurries to Green.

Keith is standing a couple of meters away from Red, arms crossed as he looks at the force field like he could simply stare it down.

Hunk is at the center of the hangar, talking to Allura and Slav.

“This is terrible! With all five lions out of commission, we have no chances of survival!” Slav is saying.

“What’s going on?” Lance asks, approaching the group.

Keith turns to look at him and starts walking towards them as well.

“I don’t know,” Allura says. “I came here to discuss with the lions the possibility of some of them changing pilots, to ensure that we had their input on the situation, and I found them like this. I have asked them what’s wrong, but they’re not answering, so I have called you here to see if you can talk to them.”

“Maybe something happened?” Pidge says, approaching them. “We have cameras here, right? We can check them.”

Lance looks up and around, searching for the cameras, trying not to look suspicious.

“Coran is doing that right now. He will inform me if he discovers anything.”

Just then, Coran enters the hangar. He shakes his head.

“Nothing, Princess,” he says regretfully. “All the cameras show is the Blue Lion’s shield going up, followed then by the Black Lion’s, the Red Lion’s, and finally the Yellow and Green ones.” He looks at everyone as he speaks, but Lance feels like Coran’s gaze lingers on him for a moment longer than on the others.

“So it started with the Blue Lion?” Allura says and turns to Lance. “Lance, can you try asking Blue what’s happened? Perhaps the others are acting in reaction to something she sensed.”

Lance swallows and nods, not wanting to explain that he already knows what’s going on.

He walks towards Blue’s force field, puts a hand against it and closes his eyes.

“Blue?” he calls. He rests his forehead against the force field and waits.

What if they refuse to fight and Zarkon’s army attacks and they get Voltron? What if Lance singlehandedly managed to doom the universe?

“ _We will fight if we are needed. The universe is more important than this_ ,” Blue says. He can only ‘hear’ her words, she’s not letting him sense her feelings, but he’s sure that she’s doing the mental equivalent of an eye-roll.

“ _I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry._ ”

Blue doesn’t reply.

“She-” Lance clears his throat before turning to look at the others. “She won’t explain what’s happening, but she says they will fight if they’re needed.”

“So… they’re refusing to socialize?” Hunk says.

“Yes?”

“Maybe if you approached them individually we would have better results,” Coran says.

They all turn to look at him.

“I suggest that we set a time for each Paladin to try to talk to their lion. Perhaps it is something that must be resolved with a more careful approach, or with more privacy.”

“You believe so?” Allura says, her brow furrowing slightly, questioningly.

Coran almost imperceptibly raises his eyebrows. He and Allura look at each other for a couple of seconds in which Allura presses her lips tightly and Coran just barely tilts his head, and then Allura’s expression is softening. She nods and agrees with Coran’s suggestion.

“Hunk, you will go first,” Coran says. “Then Pidge, then Keith, and finally Lance. Is that alright with everyone?”

They all nod and leave Hunk in the hangar to try to talk to Yellow.

Lance sees where everyone is going and immediately starts walking in the opposite direction, but Coran catches up to him and starts walking by his side.

“Thank you,” Lance mutters once he feels they’ve put enough distance between themselves and the others.

“There’s no need to,” Coran says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Whatever it was, I am sure you will be able to solve it.”

“Does the recording have audio?”

“Yes, it does.”

“Ah.”

“You didn’t say much. I imagine you and Blue must have been talking about the pilot reassignment?”

Lance’s shoulders slump and Coran lets his hand drop. They walk in silence for a while, with no clear destination.

“The five of you are the first pilots those lions have had in ten thousand years,” Coran says, sounding sad. “You are the first thing that Blue has had in millennia. It’s no surprise she’s reacting like this.”

Lance smiles without humor.

“It’s not like that. I said- well, I thought something that hurt her.”

“Ah, well. In that case, an apology always works.”

“I’m trying.”

“That’s good! Sooner or later things will work out, then.”

Coran gives him a reassuring smile. What Lance likes about it is that it doesn’t seem fake, it looks like Coran truly believes that Lance can fix this, which is great, because Lance doesn’t.

 

**II.**

The shields are still up by the time Lance’s turn comes up. The idea is for him to sit there for a couple of hours and try to get Blue to tell him what’s wrong, and if no one gets any results that day, they will repeat the routine tomorrow until they can come up with a better plan.

Allura is very calm as she explains everything to him and leads him to the hangar.

They find Keith sitting with his back against Red’s force field, clearly asleep.

Allura frowns, but leaves him alone.

“I don’t think any of us has slept too well these last two nights,” Allura says, still looking at Keith. “Do you mind if we let him stay there?” she asks, looking at Lance.

“It’s fine.” Lance shrugs.

“Thank you, Lance,” Allura says and leaves.

Lance watches her go. He wants to ask her why she’s not more worried about this, why she isn’t already making plans, why she hasn’t asked him directly what’s going on, because he doesn’t think that Coran didn’t tell her anything. He wants to ask her what was going through her mind when she just went and decided that lions could be exchanged.

He sighs and walks over to Blue. He keeps his head down, not really wanting to meet her eyes. He stuffs his hands inside his jacket’s pockets, which is really uncomfortable and probably looks ridiculous, but it’s better to worry about how bad he looks than about how ashamed he feels.

“Blue?”

No response.

“ _Bonita?_ ”

More silence.

It’s lonely without her. Before, when he knew she was out there, ready to answer when needed, he hadn’t minded when she was silent. Now, it makes him wish his mom was here to give him a hug.

He’s busy musing what he’s going to do for the next two hours when he feels a prickling on his neck, like someone’s watching him. He starts to walk around the hangar, slowly making his way to Keith, who is pretending to be asleep, and sitting next to him. He keeps his eyes fixed on Blue, just in case, and waits.

Keith stirs.

“Good morning, Snow White,” Lance sing-songs. He is _not_ calling him 'Sleeping Beauty'.

“It’s probably afternoon,” Keith points out, not sounding even a bit sleepy. What a bad actor.

“Not like we can tell from here. Anyway, time is relative,” Lance says, looking at Keith from the corner of his eye. “Did you sleep well?”

“No.”

“Did you sleep?”

“Yes.”

“That’s something.”

“I guess.”

They fall silent.

“So, it’s your turn already?” Keith asks.

“Yes.”

“Mind if I stay?”

“Be my guest,” Lance says with a gesture.

“Thanks.”

Keith turns, letting his temple rest against the force field, his body curving slightly towards Lance, who mimics the action.

They look at each other.

“It hasn’t been that long since we found Blue and the others, right?” Keith says. He speaks very quietly, even though they’re kind of alone there.

“No, I don’t think so. It feels like ages.” Lance matches Keith’s volume.

“I was thinking about that. We got used very quickly to our lions.”

Lance nods.

Keith sits facing the front again and hugs his knees, looking miserable like the day before in the kitchen, and Lance remembers that he’s not the only one who might have to pilot another lion.

“Do you think you’ll be able to pilot Black?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Lance wants to smack himself for the wording. Way to ruin a conversation with the only other person on board who might really understand how he’s feeling!

“I already have piloted her. I told you all yesterday,” Keith says, looking confusedly at Lance.

“No, I know,” Lance says quickly, eager to explain himself. “What I mean is… do you feel like you can pilot Black just like that? Without thinking of Red? You’re used to Red, right?”

“Yes.” Keith turns his head again, leaving Lance staring at his profile. “I’m not officially piloting Black yet and I’m already missing Red.”

“Same here. We don’t even know if I’ll really have to try to pilot Red and I’m missing Blue. Especially now that she’s not talking to me.”

Keith makes a face that Lance can’t decipher, like there’s something he wants to say but can’t, or doesn’t dare to.

“Maybe Allura can pilot Black instead,” Keith says after a moment.

“She seemed eager to put you in charge, though.” Lance, again, fails at not sounding bitter.

“I don’t know why Shiro wanted me in charge,” Keith says, resting his cheek on his knees, looking at Lance again. “And even then, I don’t know why that means I have to pilot Black. Can’t I stay with Red?”

“Like, you’d stay as an arm and give the orders from there?” Lance says, disbelief evident on his voice.

“Why not?” Keith replies, defiant.

Lance pauses to think of his reply.

“Might work,” he admits. “After all, Shiro should know that the link between Paladin and Lion is ‘a mystical bond that can’t be forced’,” Lance says, doing his best imitation of Allura’s accent. It brings a small smile to Keith’s lips that feels like a victory; Lance doesn’t think he has ever made Keith smile before.

The two of them stay there until Lance’s two hours are up, talking about anything that isn’t related to the last four days.

Lance manages to make Keith smile two more times.

The force fields remain up.

 

**III.**

“Today we will invert the order from yesterday,” Allura tells them all during breakfast. There are bags under her eyes and she’s leaning against the counter, resting her weight on it. “Lance, would you mind starting today?”

Lance has barely seen her these last two days. He wonders what she might be doing.

It takes him a moment to remember that he’s supposed to reply.

“Not at all,” he says.

After breakfast, Lance stops by his room to put some things in a bag before heading for the hangar.

As he’s leaving his room, he finds Keith hovering awkwardly outside.

“Yes?” Lance asks, raising his eyebrows.

“I was going to train until my turn came up, but Allura took the training room and doesn’t want anybody else around… Can I go with you to the hangar?” He seems to be looking at a point just next to Lance’s ear when he speaks, as if he was too embarrassed to meet Lance’s eyes.

“Why?”

“It’s weird not hearing Red…” Keith says, gesturing vaguely towards his head. “I miss her.”

Lance can sympathize.

“Fine. But you let me stay during your two hours.”

“Fine,” Keith says, shrugging.

They go to the hangar together and sit on the ground.

“If you’re staying here, you can make yourself useful,” Lance says, taking a skein of blue yarn from his bag and handing it to Keith. “Make it into a ball.”

Keith holds up the skein at eye level and turns it around several times, examining it.

“What?” he finally says.

“The yarn. Make a ball with it,” Lance says, gesturing towards the skein.

“I understood the instruction, Lance. What I mean is, aren’t you supposed to talk to Blue?”

He can’t tell Keith that he’s brought something to do because he knows what’s wrong and Blue isn’t listening to him and he’s just doing this to pass the time while he thinks of some new way to apologize, so he decides to tell a different truth.

“I can do both things at the same time. I’m not good at staying still for too long.”

Keith nods and looks towards the lions. He watches them for a moment and says, “Should I try talking to Black later?”

“What?” Where had that come from?

Keith looks at him again.

"Later, when I try to get Red to tell me what’s happening. Should I try to communicate with Black too?”

“You’ll start trying to bond with her?”

“I should, right?” Keith looks resigned. “If we want to find Shiro, we need Black.”

Lance presses his lips tightly.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Why not? The other day you were the first one to say you were uncomfortable with me leading, and you like to oppose me all the time. You might have another idea, or you’ll come up with one just to antagonize me.” The corner of his lip twitches.

“Was that a joke?”

Keith doesn’t reply, just looks down at the yarn and starts wrapping one end around two fingers.

“I do want your opinion, Lance.”

Lance takes out another skein and starts making a ball of yarn as well.

“I think…” Lance starts, “that you’re right that we need Black. But I think we should all talk to her, because maybe she wants to talk to someone specific. Or maybe she has her own ideas about who should pilot her. Who knows? Maybe she thinks Coran is the best option.”

“Or Slav,” Keith says.

Lance looks a Keith, who is definitely smiling.

“Okay, now I know that that was a joke,” Lance says, and finds himself smiling as well.

Keith looks up and stares at Lance, his expression slowly changing towards a pensive one.

Lance becomes serious, not liking the look in Keith’s eyes.

“Earlier, you said that you wouldn’t have agreed either if Shiro had picked Hunk or Pidge,” Keith says suddenly.

“What are you talking about?”

“When you said you weren’t okay with me as the new leader. You said that you’d have reacted the same way if Shiro had picked Hunk or Pidge.”

“I meant it,” he says in earnest.

“I believe you. But what would you have said if Shiro had picked you?”

“Why would Shiro put me in charge?” Lance says, surprised at the idea.

“I don’t know? But I don’t know why he wanted me in charge either… You’ve never thought of leading?”

“Of course I have, it’s a cool role." A cool role that he has never expected to find himself in. "But I wouldn’t want it; I’d feel like you’re feeling now about Red.”

Keith looks pained for a moment. He turns towards his lion, and then quickly turns towards Lance, eyes wide.

“She spoke to me.”

Lance gapes and turns towards Red.

“What did she say?”

“She told me to ask you what happened with Blue.”

He freezes, closes his eyes and makes a face. Of all the people in the castle, Keith - who is apparently their new leader, who is the better pilot, who is always doing cool stuff - was the last one he wanted to find out that this was his fault.

Okay, actually second to last. The last one in the list is Allura.

“There’s nothing to tell,” he says, sharp.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Keith replies, slightly defensive. “But I’d like to have Red back.”

“Believe me, I want Blue back as well, but I don’t know what to do.”

“You apologized, right?”

He refuses to look at Keith. He refuses to yell.

“Why did you assume I had to apologize for something?” he asks, tone icy.

“Because the lions aren’t talking and Red said that something happened. I guessed,” Keith says, sounding more defensive than before.

Lance huffs and lowers his head.

“Yes, I apologized. And I’m out of ideas. I know I fucked up and I don’t know how to make it up to her.” He lets his tone become softer.

“Did you ask her?”

“She’s not talking to me, Keith. I’ve said ‘sorry’ so many times I think the word has lost its meaning.”

He finally turns to look at Keith, who’s fiddling with the yarn and looking at the ground.

“Have you said anything else beside ‘sorry’?”

“Uh… ‘sorry I hurt you’?” he says, unsure of what Keith’s trying to get to.

Keith twists his mouth and looks up at Lance, eyes narrowed, like he’s thinking very hard about something.

“I’m not good with words,” Keith starts, and Lance has to keep himself from saying the sarcastic reply that’s on the tip of his tongue, “so I always ruined apologies. But, well, someone broke them down for me once.” He smiles for an instant, like it’s a fond memory. “He told me that the important part of apologies is to make it clear that you know what you did wrong and why it was wrong, and that because of that you won’t do it again. Because it’s obvious that you didn’t mean to hurt anyone, the problem is that you did, and if you don’t know why, you’ll just do it again.”

Lance thinks back to his attempts at apologizing and wants to hit himself.

Way to fuck up. Again.

“Oh.”

He stands up and walks towards Blue.

“Blue?” he says. “ _Bonita, listen, I’m sorry for the crappy apologies from earlier. I will come back later and apologize properly, I promise. Just… please know I’m sorry. Truly sorry. And that I know what I did wrong, I just… I need some time, okay? To put my thoughts in order._ ”

He rests a hand against the force field and waits.

“ _I’ll be waiting_ ,” Blue says, her words accompanied by her sadness. However, he can also feel her love for him.

Lance goes back to Keith, who is giving him a puzzled look.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No, I need some time to think first. I’ll come back tonight.”

“Can this wait?”

He looks back at Blue. Her mind flickers for a moment, letting him glimpse a feeling of goodwill towards him that lets him know he has already been forgiven.

“Yes, it can.” Lance sits on the ground. “Thanks for the help, Keith.”

“You’re welcome? I just explained how apologies work…” Keith says, looking like he truly believes he did nothing worth mentioning.

“Yeah, and I think you just saved my relationship with that.” Lance grins.

Keith gives a soft smile that could even be described as fond.

They keep making yarn balls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the klance chapter, but it ended up derailing the story, so I just cut most of it and made a new doc and I'll see if I can turn it into a oneshot.
> 
> Shout out to Wikipedia in English for teaching me the word 'skein'.


	3. A hundred horses in a merry-go-round

**I.**

Knowing what you must say and knowing how to say it are, sadly, very different things. He spends the day trying to come up with a good way to put everything he feels and thinks into words, but his result is something along the lines of ‘I made you feel worthless when I felt worthless and you don’t deserve that, because you are awesome’, which is, frankly, absolute shit as an apology, so he’s just going to wing it and hope for the best.

He sneaks into the hangar after everyone has gone to bed and sits in front of Blue.

“ _Hey, Blue._ ”

“ _Hello, Lance._ ”

She’s wary but expectant, so he decides to just start, and hope she can get his meaning from the mess that he knows will come out.

“ _First, I’m going to admit that I do think your stats are lame. I can try to say something like ‘No, they’re wrong’, but neither of us would appreciate it, even if I do think they're wrong, because I know you're better than those numbers say. So… your stats are lame and I don’t care because I honestly wouldn’t have cared if I wasn’t feeling down. I dragged you down because I was down and I’m sorry for that._ ”

“ _This is a terrible apology_ ,” Blue says, sounding unimpressed.

“ _I know. But I need to tell you everything or you’ll glimpse it in my head and I’ll get it wrong again and I’ll hurt you again. I really don’t want to hurt you again, because you’re important to me._ ”

Blue shows him a recent memory of his: him glaring at Keith and claiming that the Blue Lion is with him, and that they’re very happy together.

Lance blushes. That wasn’t his best moment.

“ _I meant it._ ”

“ _I know. What else did you want to say?_ ”

“ _That I don’t know how I got here. I don’t really add anything to this team, or at least I don’t see what’s my contribution. I- I  feel like I was just lucky to be at the right place at the right time. Seriously, they could have gotten someone else, someone that did something cool-_ ”

Blue roars in his mind. Like Blue’s sorrow, it covers all his thoughts, drowns all the little voices in his head telling him he’s not good enough, that he’s worthless, that he’s nothing. All he hears is Blue.

“ _Are you doubting me?”_ Blue asks, sounding angry for the first time.

“Doubting-?”

He sees through Blue’s eyes the first time Keith entered the cave she was in, feels her paying attention to the boy that has just walked in and her disappointment.

He feels her snap to attention when the five of them entered the cave so much time later, feels her excitement when he touched the drawings on the walls.

He sees himself through her eyes when they met: there he’d been, small and lanky and frankly unimpressive, standing next to Hunk and Pidge and, well, _Shiro and Keith_. They had all been there. Blue’s eyes had focused on Keith for a moment before moving to Lance, and from that moment on she hadn’t looked at anybody else.

“ _Mine_ ,” she’d thought.

The memory ends and Lance is left in his own body again, staring at Blue’s force field, like that day.

He looks up.

“Wow. I’m- _I’m gonna need a moment to reconcile that with my self-esteem issues_ ,” he thinks, trying to come off as joking and failing under the weight of the honesty in the words and the tears threatening to fall.

“ _I picked you, Lance. No one forced me to choose you. Whatever it is that you see in the others, I didn’t want it._ ”

He walks over to the force field and smirks.

“Will it lower if I knock?” he says, raising his hand.

The shield lowers as soon as his knuckles touch it, and Blue gets her head at ground level so Lance can hug it.

" _I picked you_ ," she repeats.

“ _I didn’t pick you, but if I had to choose now I’d definitely choose you_ ,” Lance says, not letting go of Blue.

“ _Even with my stats?_ ” she teases.

“ _Don’t ruin the moment, Bonita._ ” As if he was one to talk. Thankfully, Blue lets it pass.

“ _You are the Blue Paladin, Lance. I spent ten thousand years waiting for someone like you._ ”

Lance finally steps back and wipes his eyes with his sleeve.

“ _Okay, I think I have my apology ready now_.”

“ _Finally._ ”

“Ha ha,” he deadpans. He rests a hand on Blue’s muzzle and whispers, “I hurt you by thinking I’m worthless, because by thinking I’m worthless I’m saying I don’t trust your judgment when choosing a pilot. Saying I’m worthless is like saying there’s nothing special about you, because the lion chooses the pilot they need. I still don’t see what exactly I bring to this team and I don’t know why you wanted me, but I belong here because you belong here and you want me here. I- I’m not over my issues. Sorry about that; but that’s a problem I have with me, and I’ll have to get over it, because you value me for some reason I wish I could see, and I trust you. I can’t promise I won’t feel down again, but I promise I will never again think that you are settling for me, because you’re too smart and too old to settle for anything less than exactly what you want.” He smiles. “ _Did I cover everything?_ ”

“ _You did._ ” She sends a wave of affection his way, the mental equivalent of a hug. “ _Next time you feel like this…_ ” he catches her amusement before she projects into his mind an image from a cartoon.

No, wait, the audio’s in Japanese and it has subtitles.

“Believe in the me that believes in you!” the guy in the cartoon says.

Lance gapes.

“Anime, Blue? Really?

Blue laughs (except that Blue can’t actually laugh, so she got the sound from a memory of Lance’s older sister laughing – Blue had said she liked it because it sounded like she was truly happy, not mocking nor forced).

“ _I spent ten thousand years in a cave, Lance. When I told you that when they invented wi-fi I watched everything, I was telling the truth. I have a video for everything._ ”

Lance thinks of Blue waiting in her cave, watching every movie, every show, every cartoon to pass the time, and his heart breaks a bit.

“ _Stop it. You found me._ ”

“ _Actually, Keith found you_ ,” he points out.

“ _No. He brought you to me. It’s not the same thing._ ”

“Gracias por elegirme, Bonita,” he says, his gratitude so big that he’s glad that Blue’s mind is there to help contain it.

“ _Thank you for finding me._ ”

Around them, the other lions’ force fields go down.

 

**II.**

Lance finally figures out how to use the goddamn pool, or, well, more like he finally asks Coran how he’s supposed to swim in it. Turns out that the pool can be reached through a ladder at the side of the room, and from there artificial gravity takes cares of the rest. Apparently, Alteans had thought that defying logic and practicality when you wanted to go for a swim was a cool idea, which makes sense when you remember that it’s a civilization that decided that the most practical method to reach the lions was ziplines. Clearly, they valued coolness over common sense.

Since you reach the pool through the ladder, you end up entering it headfirst, which feels like a soft version of diving, and once in the water everything makes sense again - or maybe Lance simply stops caring about whether things make sense or not: he just focuses on the water and starts swimming.

He starts slow, lazily making his way from one end of the pool to the other a few times before picking up speed.

Something that Lance has only shared with Hunk is that he used to swim before he decided to go to the Garrison. He’d been good enough that one of his coaches had said he might be able to make a career in it someday, but, well… the universe was waiting. You don’t need to compete to swim, but you do need to become a pilot to fly, so when the time came to decide his future, he packed his bags and went to the Garrison. It wasn’t a difficult choice, the only downside was that swimming is one of those abilities he can’t ever show off, because it’s not like they were going to infiltrate an underwater base in space.

He’d impress everyone if they ever went swimming. Not even Keith would be able to keep up with him. Too bad they’re stuck on land and space, where he is just a bit less amazing.

Wait a minute.

That sounds familiar.

He stops moving just so he can facepalm properly.

“Qué mierda,” he groans.

“Is this a bad time?” Allura calls from the ground.

Shit, when did she arrive?

_Compose yourself, Lance._

“Your presence makes every moment perfect,” Lance says, any ounce of charm that could have been in his words lost due to the fact that he had to speak loudly enough to be heard by Allura. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

He manages to make his way to the ground without falling – which might have been something that worried him. He grabs his towel and starts drying his hair as he makes his way to Allura.

“I hope I am not intruding,” Allura says, politely looking away, “but Coran told me you’d be here and I wanted to talk.”

He nudges Blue’s mind with his own and lets her tune into the conversation.

“ _Please no flirting_ ,” Blue says.

Lance covers his offended expression with his towel.

“ _You know me better than that._ ”

“ _Which is why I know you might try to deflect._ ”

He sighs and drapes the towel over his shoulders like a cape, letting it cover as much of his chest as possible.

“About what?” he asks nonchalantly.

“About the pilot reassignments.”  Allura looks at him from the corner of her eye before turning to face him fully, looking concerned. “The other day you seemed distraught.”

“I was distraught,” Lance says, not bothering with keeping his annoyance out of his voice. “You’re trying to separate me and Blue. You’re trying to pilot Blue.”

“Lance, this isn’t something I actually want to do. It’s something I think must be done to continue the fight against Zarkon now that Shiro is gone.”

The pain in Allura’s voice makes Lance take a moment to compose himself.

“ _There’s no point in lashing out_ ,” Blue tells him. “ _You’re not the only sad person in the room._ ”

“But why me and Blue?” he asks when he thinks he won’t sound angry. “Why can’t you try with Red and leave us alone?”

“Because Red only likes Keith.”

“Then why would she accept me?”

“Because she has already seen you in battle with Blue. You are a… how to say this? An already tested pilot. She has seen you fight with Voltron. She has seen your ability to bond with your lion.”

Lance runs a hand over his face.

“Allura, look… I need you to come up with better arguments or explain this better, because I’m feeling like… like Blue and I are some sort of blank pieces you can put anywhere instead of the super awesome team that apparently every other Paladin forms with their lion.”

Allura looks surprised.

“Oh, Lance, no.” She shakes her head. “That’s not- That was never my intention. You and Blue are a team. She chose you because she felt you were the one most suited to unlock her potential. The only reason I think I could try to pilot Blue is because she might be the only one willing to let me try,” she finishes, lowering her eyes to the floor.

“What?”

“You are adaptable, Lance, and, as I said, Red already knows you, which is why she might be willing to accept you.” She looks directly at him as she speaks, allowing him to see how conflicted she is about the situation. “That last argument applies to Hunk and Pidge as well. However, the problem isn’t really the pilots, it’s the lions. Blue is friendly, she opens up to new pilots more easily.” Allura pauses and makes a face. “You remember how Red was. The others are more docile, but they are still resistant to changes.”

Lance gives himself a moment to process everything.

“ _You heard all that?_ ” he asks Blue, bewildered.

“ _Yes_ ,” Blue replies, sounding as confused as him.

He feels like laughing, but it’s definitely not polite to laugh in the face of a princess who looks so troubled.

“So, what you’re saying is that you said you could try to pilot Blue because you think she’s the only one who might not put up her force field as soon as you enter the hangar.”

“Yes,” Allura says after a moment, resigned.

Lance can’t help it, he laughs. It’s slightly hysterical, and there are so many things he wants to say to Allura, but most of them start with ‘What the fuck?’, so he just keeps laughing.

“Lance, please. I know this is not the best plan-” Allura puts on her best Person in Charge voice, but it’s useless against Lance’s feelings on the situation.

“It’s a terrible plan,” he says, trying to regain his breath. “It’s awful, Allura. It’s so, so bad.” He starts laughing again at how absolutely screwed they are, because Shiro is gone and they’re down one pilot and their only hope of ever forming Voltron again seems to lie in him getting along with Red, unless Black decides she wants Allura or Coran or Slav to pilot her.

He sits on the floor and starts taking deep breaths, getting his laughter under control.

When he has finally calmed down, he looks up at Allura, who probably recognized his laughter was born from stress, nerves and fear and wasn't meant as a show of disrespect, because she looks apologetic.

“I _do_ know it’s a terrible plan, Lance,” she says, sitting next to him. “Do you have any suggestions?”

She didn’t sound sarcastic, but Lance still turns to look at her with a questioning expression.

“You want my ideas?”

“This affects you directly and you’re part of the team.”

“I’d rather you tried to pilot Red or Black and left Blue and I alone. But I think you should ask the lions for their opinion first, like you were trying to do before they went on strike.” He remembers Keith looking miserable in the hangar. “And you should talk to Keith too. He’s supposed to be our new leader, right? He can’t lead if you decide things without consulting him first.”

Allura presses her lips tightly and frowns. Ah, looks like she’s still having trouble with the ‘Keith is part Galra’ thing. Lance guesses it’s hard to get over years of conflict in less than a week, even when the rational part of your brain is telling you that you should.

“You’re right. I need to talk to him.” She relaxes, giving him a small smile. “Lance, you mentioned the lions going on strike. I have been worried about that. Was it because of the possible pilot changes?”

“What?”

“I saw the video, when you talked to Blue and she raised her shield. I guessed you were telling her that you might have to pilot Red and that’s why the lions reacted like that.”

“Oh. That.” Lance flushes, making Allura give him an odd look. “No, uh, that was actually my fault. We fought, so she put up her force field.”

“And the other lions?”

Lance feels himself become redder.

“Blue thought that if only her force field was up you’d realize I had screwed up, so she asked the others to do the same so as to not draw attention to me.” Allura blinks a couple of times, and Lance looks down so he won’t have to see her face. “I’m sorry if you thought it was your fault.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then Allura’s laughing. It’s a soft laugh, pleased, and when he looks up he finds that Allura looks a bit surprised, like she hadn’t expected to laugh any time soon.

It’s a nice laugh.

“ _I’m adding it to my sounds inventory_ ,” Blue informs him.

“ _Yes please._ ”

“I hope I can keep the two of you together,” Allura says, smiling kindly at Lance, who finds himself forgiving her for the disaster she caused.

 

**III.**

After the talk with Allura, Lance gets changed in record time and runs to the hangar.

“You are a submarine!” Lance says as soon as the doors open.

Blue snorts. Well, the sound he hears in his head is actually himself snorting, but, yeah. She snorted.

“ _Yes, I am_ ,” she says, sounding amused.

“ _That is why your stats suck! They reflect your performance outside of the water!_ ”

“ _Thank you for noticing._ ” Besides her tone, she also lets him feel her amusement.

If he wasn’t red already from running he would be blushing now.

“ _Why didn’t you tell me?_ _Dios, Blue, I’m such an asshole._ ”

“ _I assumed you knew already, since you noticed how good I was underwater that time we were with the mermaids. It was only last night that I realized you had completely forgotten about that._ ”

“ _I’m such a jerk_.” Lance covers his face with his hands and groans.

“ _You were accidentally a bit of a jerk for a moment. There’s a difference._ ”

“ _You’re too nice to me._ ”

“ _No, I am not. You thought I was mediocre and you hurt me_ ,” she says it without reproach, making Lance feel worse about the situation, “ _and then you realized that you didn’t care because you know what I am capable of. You think the numbers are wrong, even when you know they’re right, which is ridiculous but endearing. It made me happy._ ”

“ _I still feel like an asshole._ ”

“ _Forgive yourself. I’ve forgiven you._ ”

She lowers her head and lets him enter the cockpit. Lance curls on the pilot’s seat.

“ _Are we okay?”_ he asks.

Her confusion pushes against his mind.

" _I know you forgave me and I know we value each other and I know we are a team, but I’m worried about what’s coming. If they separate us, will we still talk? Will we still be a team? We have this bond, but I’m scared it might weaken, because we talk a lot, but we’ve never done something big and showy to prove how connected we are._ ” He thinks of Red flying off into space to get Keith whenever he managed to get himself in trouble, of Green and Yellow showing Pidge and Hunk how to make cool new weapons in the midst of battle, of Shiro becoming friendly enough with Black that they managed to shake off Zarkon’s tracking method.

Blue responds with an image of all the lions’ force fields going up three nights before.

“ _Ah. I guess that's dramatic enough_ ,” Lance thinks, grinning.

“ _I’ll try to do something showier some other time._ ”

“ _Nah. It’s fine. This is just my insecurity talking._ ”

He makes himself more comfortable on the chair.

“ _Blue?_ ”

“ _Yes?_ ”

“ _How do you feel about watching your favorite movie right now?_ ”

“ _Can you disappear for a couple of hours? Won’t they miss you in the castle?_ ”

“ _Maybe? But, if I have to be honest… with everything that’s happened, I need a couple of hours to relax with a friend._ ”

He hopes that Shiro is safe, wherever he is. He hopes that Keith gets to stay with Red. He hopes they find someone to pilot the Black Lion. He hopes they’ll all be home soon. He hopes he won’t screw up again as badly as this time. He hopes he and Blue can stay together.

He hopes Blue’s favorite movie is something worth watching.

“ _Of course it is_ ,” she says, mock offended, and starts the movie.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is over. Thanks to everyone who decided to give it a chance and read until the end. Extra thanks to everyone that left kudos. Extra special thanks to everyone that commented.
> 
> I started this because when I was watching "Escape from Beta Traz" I actually yelled at the screen "Come on, Lance, Blue chose you instead of Keith or Shiro or any of the others! She was the only one who had the luxury of choosing her Paladin and she chose you!", and then I kept writing because no matter how I look at it, separating Keith from Red seems like a terrible idea (I kept imagining Black having to go off to rescue Keith every two episodes and then giving him back to Red before going off to rescue Shiro, who wasn't this much of a handful), so I wanted to explore the idea, but in a way that considered how much of a bad idea it is, because I can't imagine Allura not thinking of how potentially disastrous this might be.
> 
> If you're Chilean and you think some of the titles seem familiar, the answer is yes.
> 
> You can go say hi at [my personal tumblr](http://veto-power-over-clocks.tumblr.com).
> 
> If you liked this fic and feel like promoting it, would you consider reblogging [this post](http://veto-power-over-fanworks.tumblr.com/post/159176033085/in-the-way-knitting-needles-love-yarn)? Thanks!


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